|
Everything's not lost ...
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 5th, 2008|08:28 pm] |
|
Friends Only
This journal is friends-only for now. Thank you.
|
|
|
| weird holidays |
[May. 31st, 2004|10:30 pm] |
Lately everything's been a bit off in my life. For memorial day we used to have bbq's with family and we had one last year even though I was gone but this year everyone just sat around the house depressed and bored out of their minds. It was noticeable ... my little sister complained of boredom every minute and my dad was taking a nap around lunchtime, which could be okay since he's sick. My other sister was watching her video so she was preoccupied. I was cleaning again and trying to sort bills and stuff. It felt like Sunday rather than a Monday because of the long weekend ...
Weird stuff happened later in the afternoon and I was semi-stranded in Hayward, ghetto part of the Bay Area ... well one of the ghetto parts. I called up my grandparents who picked me up and dropped me off at the mall in Fremont where my car was parked. I was so elated and was jumping up and down when I saw them because I couldn't wait to be in control and drive again. Said goodbye to X and gave him a hug and told him to cheer up because of his car problems. He's leaving for the summer so I wished him well and a safe trip.
Went to see Shrek 2 with my little sister in Milpitas. Dad saw Day After Tomorrow. I didn't see the entire original Shrek but I had a vague idea of what it was about. The movie was hillarious and made me laugh so hard my eyes were crying. Eddie Murphy is so cute as the donkey and the whole fairytale concept wasn't all that cheesy. Everyone laughed when there was a picture (cartoon drawn or something) of Justin Timberlake in Princess Fiona's room. I didn't get it and I still don't. Someone please explain if possible. The biggest fear about not having plans this summer is boredom. I've sort of outlined a list of to-do's for my China trip including paying for tuition, a travel guide and some currency things I'll talk to the bank about tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm going to either return my library books at school, visit a professor, really get my passport done and then hang out with my friend Catherine whom I met at the Coldplay concert a few years ago. We've been meaning to get together and we're meeting up to exchange BFD tix. I'm trying to also setup an exercise schedule so I don't go online all day also. |
|
|
| wanting to go |
[May. 29th, 2004|04:57 pm] |
|
I'm really dying to get out of the house but my grandparents are coming over. And my friend and I were going to go to Palo Alto and I'd love to if only my dad would let me. Since my grandparents are coming over ... that's not possible. It'd have been nicer if my dad went there but that's not likely. Some days I don't mind having relatives come over but sometimes all I do is sit around and watch them talk. I really am starting to like hanging out with this one person. In the beginning it was weird and semi-awkward but I guess I'm starting to let it rub off and let it pass. My little sister who's only 11 thinks I like him but I'm not saying anything until I'm more comfortable with admitting that. He's really someone I think I like but I'm scared of being honest. Every time I try and attempt to be honest about my feelings, I get cold feet and tell him something else. I wonder if people in general feel that way about love and relationships ... like every time they're ready to go for it, cold feet stands in the way or nervous butterflies which I feel a lot when I try and let it out. I don't think I'll ever be ready to be honest about my feelings and that scares me because I doubt this will be the first time I'll face this conundrum. I wish someone could advise me on what to say and how to react to things like this because my mom is definitley not someone I can talk to and neither are my sisters. |
|
|
| decisions |
[Apr. 13th, 2004|02:25 am] |
During critique at the paper today, the schedule for new editor position nominations and training was announced. I pretty much have about two weeks, more or less, to make a choice. After everyone left, it was only the copyeditor and the production editor, I talked to the copyguru to find out what his opinions were. Classes suffer a lot when I work on the paper. It's a full-time commitment that I'd love to do all over again but at the same time my family and my sister wonder why I'm never home. I could choose to be a senior staff writer focusing on sharpening my reporting and writing skills as another option. Even two late nights a week, and three other nights are enough work for me. I come home so late two nights a week and the other three days I come home in the evenings around 7 or 8 p.m., then it's dinner, and then catching on homework for that day and the day before. Sundays are gone because I get up around 10 and then I usually leave around 1ish for the paper so that's not much homework time there either. I have all these ideas for the opinion page to make it stronger and more of an opinion page with lots of voices. I even have a new layout in mind after I attended the workshop, I was so psyched because I saw there were a million things I could do. Then reality kicked in and I started to realize I can't keep putting off classes while working on the paper. It's slowing me down though I don't mind. This semester has been tiring, stressful and exhausting.
It's weird coming home so late in the evenings. I'm usually exhausted but I've been staying up late until 3 a.m. I can't fall asleep at 12 or 11 anymore. It's like my body has been trained to sleep late. Today was nice sort of ... I spent my morning finishing up my errands. Mailed off all my packages. tomorrow just have to mail out bills. Since I can't park in my usual parking spot, I'm parking about 8 blocks away from campus near the Civic Center light rail station. It felt great to walk from the suburbs of downtown to downtown itself. Nice warm weather and clean neighborhods to pass made the experience all the more pleasing.
Maybe I'll come to a decision at the end of the week. If I'm going to run for an editing position, I'll need a platform. |
|
|
| i'm fucking crazy |
[Apr. 11th, 2004|04:12 pm] |
After calmly checking out the paper's production schedule on one of the boards and checking out my finals schedule, I'm going to see the Strokes on their last tour date in NYC at Central Park's Summestage. i'm fucking crazy and insane but my reasons are totally justified. Last summer before going to my internship in NY, the newspaper company sponsoring the one week bootcamp bought me a roundtrip ticket home instead of just a one way ticket. Because of the blackouts, I didn't leave as orginally scheduled so I stayed an extra week and bought another tix home. The other ticket is worth $150 and expires a year from the date of purchase -- so THAT's IT! I've been trying to find time in my schedule to go back to New York but with school and the paper, there wasn't time. Not even time during Xmas vacation or spring vacation was able to work. So I kept thinking and thinking and then I saw the last leg of the show is in NYC -- how fitting right? So after the show Thursday I was talking to Nancy, Amanda and Ricky and we were tossing the idea around of the NYC show. Then I thought about it some more and then yesterday I figured it all out and started jumping up and down screaming my head off because I knew it was destined for me to go.
Gosh I'm such a cheeseball for wanting to go. But it gets even better. The 19th is the last concert, the next day is David Letterman taping so I'm going to try and meet them both days! Gah! I'm going to cry because I'm so excited and delirious about seeing them for the last them before they go and record another album. Hopefully I can fit in some time before I come back home to visit some of the Strokes' hang out spots in NYC. |
|
|
| crazy and busy |
[Apr. 10th, 2004|11:59 pm] |
I really have not had a chance to catch up, rest and mellow out since last week. For the entire week, I slept probably a grand total of 20 or less hours. And by Friday it was catching up with me. I was yawning all day and had no energy. After the show and late nite dinner at IHOP, I forgot I didn't bring my keys and was locked out. jean didn't have keys either but she was staying in Sf with her friend. Thanks Andrew for bailing me out on that otherwise I would've had to sit outside for a few hours. I was at Andrew's probably mumbling or talking incoherently about the Strokes before I dozed off and it was a little after 6 perfect timing because my mom would be up and I could knock and I'd be able to finally go home and sleep. Slept Friday morning around 6:30 and crashed until about 10 ... rushed to pick Jean up ... headed to the paper and was able to get a writer to cover students getting baptized event for saturday night. This girl is so dependable and on top of assignments I give her. She just kicks ass and I thanked her profusely for taking the story and she said it wasn't a problem. I felt guilty assigning her a story on a Saturday night at 7pm and it was probably going to go on for hours. But miscommunication between production and editorial resulted and we found out Wednesday late night there would be a paper Monday and the original plan was no paper. So yeah, the story I assigned works out because we needed it to fill the news hole. And I called close to 7 to make sure the writer didn't get confused or anything, she didn't call me back instantly which resulted into instant panic and freaking out that she might've bailed on the assignment. I've got to calm down and think rationally. She called me a half hour later and told me everything was good. I worry too much, I've got to trust my own instinct and judgement. I mean I printed out a lot of info on the event so I know she wouldn't bail on me.
Sometimes when I think my story ideas are lame or whatever and the finished product comes up, I don't think too much about if I didn't do a better job editing or whatever. Two of the writers I've assigned stories to pretty often this semester said they enjoyed doing the stories I assigned them and they really liked the way it turned out. That was really cool cuz I wasn't sure if they'd like it or not. That comment totally made my day.
Interesting story: on the bus ride home friday afternoon after leaving the paper around 4ish, I saw a girl on the bus wearing a Coachella shirt. We talk and stuff and she's got an extra tix for Saturday! And she's going to sell it to me for 20 dollars less than what she paid! My fucking dream is coming true. I will most likely go and see Radiohead and other bands there play.
Today (saturday) was spent running lots of and lots of errands. There's so much preparation even now before going to China ... shots, passport, airfare and other travel plans. I spent most of Saturday just cleaning up adn organizing my things.
Must study for management accounting exam on Monday and read more marketing and do more rewriters for 100w class. i also have to rewrite two essays for scholarships ... my friend sent me an indepth critique of both essays and it really helps so hopefully this second round of apps will be less stressful.
there's a whole lot of other stuff to write but I'm going to sleep and get up early (at least that's the plan and take a long walk and breathe) life has been stressful ... too stressful to the point where I feel like I can't breathe or handle the workload. Must chill out. |
|
|
| what a night! |
[Apr. 9th, 2004|11:48 am] |
I'm probably going to make this a quick post since I just got up about an hour ago and I have to head to school soon.
Strokes Warfield Thursday 04/08/04 -- UNBELIEVABLE. So fucking amazing. They started off with a different set than El Paso which was nice to hear for a change.
Here goes the set:
New York City Cops
Someday
The End Has no End
Automatic Stop
Reptilia
Trying your luck
julian asked the audience to choose which song we wanted to hear next:12:51 or the Strokes' version of The Clash's Clampdown. Clampdown wins. I love the way it sounded, it was very edgy.
Hard to explain
under control
the way it is
alone together
I can't win
meet me in the bathroom
last nite
what ever happened
take it or leave it
it was a shorter set than El Paso... they played for about an hour. I got there early ... 9:30 a.m. and basically cleared my schedule for the day and turned in assignments in advance to be able to camp out and be front row in front of the railing. My god I was about to die because I haven't been that close for concerts in ages it seems. When the Strokes came out on stage, everyone went crazy, screaming, cheering and the girls standing a people down from me kept yelling "hell fucking yes, "fuck yea," and a few other versions of "fuck." Julian wore black pants and his black velvet blazer or jacket and a off white dress shirt with funky buttons. He's such a tease on stage when he's spitting water or trying to make his spit come out like its all weird or something. I was basically screaming my head off screaming how sexy julian looked and singing along with intense religious fervor.
*note i'll be back to update this after I pick Jean up from the BART station*
EDIT: I'm recapping two days late because I've been insanely busy with school, the paper and life.
But here goes a full review. If i'm rehashing stuff from earlier it's cuz I don't want to leave out any details about how it all started. It was such an incredible, amazing and awesome show.
So the concert started way earlier for me than it probably should but who cares. I didn't sleep at all Wednesday because I was doing homework and then I left around 6ish to drop off my take home midterm for my mass com writing class. Then finally headed to the Warfield and arrived around 9:30 a.m. thinking possibly I'd be the first in line. No such luck but I was the second person or technically the second person with a group to arrive. The other girls in line were there at 6am and I remember them from the New Year's Eve show in Vegas. They were super super nice and it was cool hanging out and waiting together before more people showed up. Lord knows there were enough homeless people there pissing me off, hassling me for spare change or other shit. Thank god this time i wasn't waiting by myself. Thanks Vanessa, Veronica and Kelly for their kindness. It was awful having to hear this homeless man outside the Warfield "play," or just bang on this guitar he had and sing all sorts of random shit. He was going at it for hours until he decided to walk around and come back. It was hillarious stuff. Time went by fast probably because I was with a group of people. Soon after I arrived, Rhey and her friend also joined the line. Rhey was also at the Las Vegas show. I couldn't believe how many people from Vegas were there at the Warfield show ... ran into a lot of familiar people and it was cool just remembering the good times. Jean wasn't going to arrive until around 3 which ended up being 4:30 because her friend drove and they were lost. But it was all good once she arrived with her friend Denise. We were just hours away from going in and the wait was killing me and figuring out how to stuff the camera in my pants. Security was being wishy washy when some people asked about camera policy. Finally around 7 the security guard started to let a few of the girls in front of me go in only to stop and make an annoucement they're going to check bags and all this security policy shit. Security wasn't too annoying before the show ... they didn't separate the lines or anything. They did the whole patdown thing and checked bags ( I didn't bring a bag which sped up the process) Once inside I was speed walking/running in case other people were and security people inside were like "walk, dont' run." Fuck that shit. So no one else was running but hell I didn't wait a whole day to risk that stuff. But my speed walking helped because by the time I reached the floor I was standing right in the middle in front of the railing. Soon after my sister and some people from the message board lastnite.org we met up with piled onto the floor. Jean went ballistic being so close and was screaming and jumping up and down. Pre-show comments from people nearby me were hillarious. One of the girls first in line kept screaming "fuck yea," or "hell fucking yes," and other versions of fuck something. Priceless moment when Matt Romano came onstage to bring out equipment and tape the setlists to the floor, one girl shouted "fuck me Matt." He just looked up and smiled. Ahhh. Kodak moment sort of right there.
On to the show
Ravenette's opened the show around 8 p.m. and it was really weird. They play great music live but the audience was just standing there, no one singing along or moving even.
Here's their setlist:
Attack of the Ghost Riders
Evil LA Girls
Veronica Fever
Let's Rave on
Chain Gang of Love
That Great love sound
do you believe her
love can destroy everything
little animal
ny was great
c'mon everybody
heartbreak stroll
one of the songs was dedicated in memory of kurt cobain. can't remember which but I'll figure it out later.
The audience during the set was so calm and nice. No pushing or moshing. Everyone was just kind of mellow.
After they finish their set, people came out to remove the equipment and I kept screaming for the setlist and the guy working was nice enough to hand it to me actually instead of throwing it out for everyone to fight over. My setlist is complete without any rips or tears.
Strokes come onstage about a half hour later and everyone freaking goes ballistic and even leaning against the railing becomes more painful. People just kept pushing to the point where I couldn't breathe. They started off the night like this:
NYC cops
Someday
The end has no end
automatic stop
reptilia
trying your luck
12:51 (was on the setlist, but this was when Julian asked the audience whether they wanted 12:51 or the strokes' cover of "clampdown."
Clampdown wins and the version they play sounds exciting and cool to listen to.
hard to explain
under control
the way it is
alone together
i can't win
meet me in the bathroom
last nite
what ever happened
take it or leave it
Julian talking or ramblings of the night
-Julian showed off his rainbow socks and then pulled up his pant leg so everyone could see it while he was singing
-Julian stopped after one song and said we're going to do this right and asked albert if he could have one of his cigarette's and then asked albert about what his birthday wish was.
-Before they started playing, Julian said how much he loved us bunches
-Julian asked if we liked the Yankees. everyone booed obviously and then he asked if we like the Giants. cheers
he then mentioned that his mom was at the show sitting up at the balcony. awww
-his blowjob motion into the mic was very cute
-he pointed out this girl who wasn't paying attention at the show and said if she didnt want to come or had better things to do, then don't come. he thought she was looking for her boyfriend or something.
-Live 105 beach balls were floating around the pit and made its way up the stage. Nick popped one of the balls with his guitar and looked surprised that it happened.
-Julian did walk into the pit for a little bit but not as long as previous shows. It was a mob scene and security was grabbing him and holding him back. I saw so many people rip apart his cream colored shirt and grab his ass and hair and other bodily parts.
Later on stage, he asked why didnt anyone grab his balls. haha.
I got to touch his jacket and his back. I'm so dorky but yeah it was cool getting to touch Julian and being that close.
He later went to the left side of the stage and jumped onto the speakers to the very top and continued singing.
Julian can be such a tease on stage ... he picked up some round thing maybe a quarter or something else during one part, looked at it and then put it in his pocket before showing it off to everyone.
He thanked everyone at the end for coming to the show.
I was able to get part of the second half of the setlist and the first setlist though the edges were a bit torn. It's all good.
After the show, we went to find the tour bus and wait to meet them. We waited an hour or so and then Julian came out looking great ... he didn't even button his shirt and left it half open. Everyone started to crowd around him but he assured us he'd get to everyone sign stuff and take pics. What a sweetheart.
After signing a bit, he said he'd be back and get to everyone. He came out later with a drink and took pics. There were two girls who flew in from Kyoto, Japan and one of them gave Julian a pack of Marborlo cigarette's and socks. He also read out loud the note she wrote him. It was so sweet! She took five pictures with Julian. After she took one, she wanted another one and another one. haha.
the other guys except for Nick came out. Everyone was super super nice and friendly.
A lot of happy birthday wishes for Albert from fans.
Julian seemed sober throughout the whole show and afterwards when signing and taking pics. He asked everyone if the show was allright. And he was joking we were all saying yes because we wanted him to stay and sign stuff. Haha.
Some homeless women came up to him and said she wanted a hug because she was the only black girl there ... not true. But he graciously hugged her and her friend. Fab and Albert also hugged her. She was kind of annoying because she took my sharpie from me. Oh well.
The girl I met up with, Amanda, it was her birthday though later I found out it wasn't. Hehe. But she got Julian to kiss her on the cheek and it was just so cute. He's quite the charmer.
Another guy from the board, Matthieu took pics with Julian and kissed him on the cheek a few times. Priceless.
Ricky, another lastnite.org member I met up with told Julian how their music changed him and all this stuff and Julian kissed him on the cheek! Awww.
A lady there collects buttons, peace buttons and gave two to Julian and he wore them. (I've got the pic in yahoo photos)
I got my pic taken with everyone except Nikolai and Nick. I look like such a dork in most of the pics but who cares. I fucking met the Strokes!!!!!!!!! Ahhh, and I got to hug Julian. The night was precious and I cherished every single minute I got to spend singing and being there with people who share the same love for music.
After the show, I ran into my Japanese friend, Yasui who was there with her boyfriend and a friend I think. Lots of run ins with familiar people that night.
Here's the link to some of the best photos that were taken.
Strokes Warfield pics
Some are scanned as threesome's because I wanted to just get them put up. I'll do an individual scan later and touch up some of the red eye.
After we finished meeting them, I went out to eat with Nancy, Amanda and Ricky at IHOP and we recapped the moment all over again. I'll add more when I have more time to reflect. Life is crazy! |
|
|
| I'm going to China! |
[Apr. 7th, 2004|02:12 am] |
to study abroad this summer for three weeks. The program is going to study news media and advertising and how it works with a government censored news agency such as Xinhua and how they dispense information or something. The trip is also going to include the climb to the Great Wall of China. Trip isn't all that expensive in my opinion but my dad felt it was but agreed it would be a good opportunity for me to see and learn. Total cost is 2,700 including everything such as airfare, hotel (we're staying at People's University or Tsinghua ... can't remember). But if I can find cheaper airfare then the costs would be reduced. Program starts late july and ends middle august and there might be an opportunity for me to extend my stay in China if it works out that I can work at China Daily as an intern. My dad is concerned about the costs because I don't have a lot of money left in my education funds to use toward the trip. Well I'd have enough money leftover so I could possibly stay another year depending on how much tuition keeps freaking increasing. If it goes up to 2K a semester I'm not going to be able to afford staying in school much longer. Scholarships can only go so far in covering my expenses but I'm just going to be optimistic and try super super hard not to spend anything so I can save every dime for this trip. I'd like to save so I can have spending money to buy all my wonderful friends gifts or something small. Now I realized I have so many things to do to prepare ... shots, passport application, looking for airfare. I'm really really thrilled I'm going. My dad was reluctant to let me go because it was so expensive but when I mentioned I'd chip in half the costs, he changed his mind. Oh well. I still have money saved from my summer job at the AP to use for this trip ... it won't be so bad.
And there's officially less than a day before the Strokes show in SF. I can't sit still sometimes because I get excited all of a sudden and want to jump up and down that I get to go. Anyways, I really must try and sleep earlier. I've been sleeping really late around 3 or 4ish to finish stuff and I'm still not done. |
|
|
| one scholarship done |
[Apr. 6th, 2004|04:09 pm] |
I'm done with SJSU's J-School scholarship application. I've been working on it off and on and today at 5pm was the deadline. It would've been easier if the photocopier in the newsroom was working but it wasn't. And so one of our business office personnel found another way for me to make copies on the fly. I applied for 11 I think scholarships in various amounts from 150 to 2500. When I see people handing in their applications, my stomach starts to feel quesy and nervous. Then i start to feel self conscious and muttering to myself "i can't do this." it's just temporary but I've been feeling so much anxiety. It didnt take really long, it just required time, effort and patience and a ton of stuff was going on and I started to panic.
It's a huge relief to just turn them in and just hope for the best. I've got two more I'm applying for so I'm going to work on those essays more and put the finishing touches on them.
An interesting well more like a real jerk came to speak at our school today. This man claims the Holocaust doesn't exist ... that Americans have been demonizing Germans and then blaming it on the Jews or something. WHat kind of a man can deny such an event occured? I frankly believe a very ignorant and sick person. So many people lost their lives or family in the Holocaust and there are people who deny it just because they dont like a certain ethnicity. That man seriously needs help. But he's spreading his campus to other universities so it'll be interesting see the different rxns. |
|
|
| chaos and confusion |
[Apr. 5th, 2004|04:51 pm] |
I had a sinking feeling that the first day coming back to the paper from spring break would lead to some confusion or semi-chaos because I was freaking out again over the columns. We couldn't figure out who was writing the column whether we skip or stay on track. I assumed we'd resume the normal track but apparently the columnists didn't think so. So we're going to run guest columns instead ...
Yeah, I've been carrying a lot of guilt lately and I can't seem to shake it off. It's more than just a burden feeling guilty, it's stressful and painstakingly tiring. Maybe it's my personal view of having to have a strong work ethic and being good at everything possible. Maybe I need real therapy ... I mentioned to my sister our family could use therapy given the kind of communication that occurs between us. lol.
I'm not exactly sure what prompted me to cry again but it was supposed to be tears of happiness. One of the editors I worked with at my internship wrote me a reccomendation letter and even faxed it to me because I needed it by the end of this week. He was even going to overnight the letter to me if the fax wasn't sufficient. I wasn't planning to read the letter because it'd be self-serving but I did anyways. He wrote how his first impression of me was this quiet little girl who asked worldly and big questions that totally surprised him. He said he was taken aback that this quiet little girl would be so committed and dedicated to being better and asking so many questions. The editor even described how this one week my main editor wasn't available so I went to him and pitched my ideas or to flesh them out. He said I made progress from taking a vague idea to a more narrow and focused story. I couldn't believe the editor would write such a nice letter ... I was so blown away. I guess I didn't expect such good things because I always worried excessively whether I was doing enough.
Spring break was too short but semi-productive. I'm more than excited that my computer is linked with internet access now. It's so much easier to do homework without having to go to another room to use the net. And I did a lot of reading and spending time with my sisters. The three of us went out for ice cream at Baskin Robbins Saturday night and it was hillarious at how long it took for us to make a decision on the kind of ice cream we're going to have. The cashiers must've thought we were annoying but he was patient. It was so weird to be driving in a car with my sisters ... it's one of those really rare moments where we all bonded and shared stories.
Maybe I'll feel better in a few days. The Strokes are coming! The Strokes are coming to SF and I'll be there bright and early hopefully to score a good seat. I want to try staying in the pit the entire time hopefully to get a chance to see Julian if he walks into the pit up close. |
|
|
| doing work |
[Apr. 4th, 2004|02:56 pm] |
I've been avoiding writing these scholarship essays for a few days in hopes that by the time I sit down and do it, I'd be productive. No such luck. I've got one sentence written and I just noticed the application has two different application dates. So it's either due Monday or Tuesday ... either way I should finish it today. I just can't figure out what to write about my career goals or my experience in the form of a letter and I have to write another essay on why I deserve the award and financial need. Unfortunately I don't have any of the old essays I used to write for scholarships. Those are probably in a box somewhere at home and the only essay I have is the one I wrote to apply for the Dow Jones program a few years back which doesn't really help. I was hoping to cut and paste from previous ones and then rewrite it and polish but no luck either. I'm pulling my hair out trying to write something compelling and convincing hoping I'll maybe win some money so I don't have to rely completely on the funds I've saved to stay another year in school. I'm hoping to use the money to take digital photography classes and some magazine writing courses to improve my feature writing skills or even advanced visual journalism courses so it'll give me a better idea of what to look for in redesigning some pages.
My sister Jennifer turned 11 Saturday. I bought her an insulated lunch bag and my other sister bought her a winnie the pooh cross stich thing. Maybe I think too much but watching her grow up every day and seeing her blossom into another age is sort of scary. I semi remember when I was 11 ... so awkward and so silly. Yet my sister Jennifer is so smart, savvy and just full of energy. It's so surreal ... it's like watching myself grow up all over again through her eyes or something like that.
Last few days have been really tiring even for a spring break. Skipped out on the LA shows Thurs/Fri so I could work on homework and settng up wireless net at home. Thanks to Andrew for helping me get started. Though I'd really love to call up NetGear and yell at them for making one PCI card thicker than the other which totally confused me. At Fry's the salesperson basically gathered the materials I needed and I paid for them. Without even looking, two of the PCI cards though the same, one was thicker than the other and so I installed one software thinking it would work for both cards on my computer. What I didn't realize until Friday was I should use the software that came from the box of each individual card instead of mass installing from one software for a different card. But I'm a happy camper because the computer in my room is really awesome and fast and now I can surf the net.
I also chopped off three inches on my hair and had my eyebrows threaded because my aunt was complaining they weren't shaped. Yeah ... the person who threaded it was probably about my age ... anyways she really did a good job and eyebrows are thinner but you can see the arch sort of. Strange. At first I thought my haircut looked awful ... then my sister exclaims later how different and cool I look. Aside from chopping off three inches, I had the stylist cut me bags. After two years of having them long, I chop them off again. Today my dad needed my sister and I to help sweep grass clippings when he mows the lawn. Since he injured his knee skiing a few months ago, he has trouble doing heavy duty work. So I volunteered to mow the lawn. The lawnmower was super heavy ... it was like trying to push a wheelbarrow up a hill. But the grass looks trimmed and it wasn't so bad mowing the lawn on my own.
Must pitch the study abroad idea to my dad later today. But I have to try and make some progress on this essay. |
|
|
| a matter of tact |
[Apr. 2nd, 2004|04:16 pm] |
So I've come to ask myself whether writing on LiveJournal about my life, my frustrations, things that piss me off or things that make me happy are approriate?
Is it okay if I write about some people that cut in front of me in line at a concert where I waited longer than they did? And what happens if those people discover who I am on LiveJournal and they get pissed? Well either way LJ or no, I'd be pissed and complaining. This issue I'm having on how much to write in here reminds me of the story about an open diary on the web I wrote during my internship.
I read other people's LJ and they write about problems they're facing or other challenges in their life. So what are the boundaries or rules for writing in your livejournal? Should there be rules on what can and can't be written? |
|
|
| a bit blue ... |
[Apr. 1st, 2004|04:13 pm] |
Trying to get the wireless PCI card to work on my other computer was so frustrating today that I basically took my frustration out on the netgear support reps who wouldn't help me because I haven't registered my product. Called comcast who helped me reset my Internet connection and wala net works again.
Out of nowhere I felt the need to cry and my head was exploding also. I was feeling really happy yesterday and today just felt kind of blue. I can't figure out whether I want to see the Strokes in LA tomorrow or not ... partially it's a money thing and the other thing is I still have to work on my scholarship application that's due the Monday I come back from break. I still have the AAJA scholarship apps to work on also that's due next Friday. I still haven't mailed out my internship applications either ... I don't feel productive and after going to the workshop in Sac yesterday and getting up at 4 to catch a bus to go there ... I just felt tired. Didn't have the most pleasant conversation with JShong who's never speaking to me again which is fine ... I just question why I didn't make it work with him. My copyeditor friend told me JShong is just reacting to not getting what he wants or me not recpricating the feelings he felt. The copyeditor said he knew it obvious JShong had a thing for me because we got along so well ... but I just kept ignoring the obvious because this person was my really good friend and I didn't want to ruin a good thing.
My dad needed me to go buy mouse traps and some sandwich bags for my sister and there was a load of clothes to wash that weren't even mines. Then there were leftover dishes from yesterday my dad neglected to wash and I just wanted to scream because I didn't want to spend my break worrying about cleaning the house, making sure clothes are washed or figuring out how to capture mice. I hate spending my vacation worrying about stuff at home ... I want to go and have freedom and live freely and to the fullest. |
|
|
| full El Paso update and more ramblings ... |
[Mar. 30th, 2004|07:42 pm] |
Gosh time has gone by so fast since coming home. I spent most of Monday running errands such as post office and buying groceries. I also tried to kill a mice that was running wild in the living room but no luck. But i was really really close. oh well. must buy some working mouse traps ... the ones i bought today are crappy so i've got to return those and get some new ones.
Anyways, I wanted to just try and sit down and write down everything about the El Paso trip. Basically I left early Thursday morning leaving Oakland to arrive in El Paso around 5p.m. My really awesome friend Pat who I met at the AP last summer picked me up and we went to her place. I'm really glad I paid extra to take a flight so I'd arrive in the city early ... the red eye flight I was going to take was cancelled (that's the one my sister took and she just kept freaking out about how she wouldn't get in El Paso early). What a huge relief to be there in the afternoon! The weather was nice and warm around 76 degrees and the airport was so clean and organized ... so less hectic and crazy than Oakland and SF. I walked out of the airport not knowing where I was going or how I was going to find Pat but we ended up bumping right into each other. It was just so great to see her again and we had so much to catch up on during the car ride to her house. On the way to her place, I saw different parts of the city, the poor, the good, and downtown. The houses there are flat they have no shape. They're just big blocks of squares and everyone there is Mexican ... very few white people or any other ethnicity. After we dropped off her nephew who came to the airport, we went to her place and her other sister had just gotten another karaoke cd and the Strokes' 12:51 was on it. So we both did a duet on the 12:51 song pretending we were crazy rock stars particularly Julian Casblancas. lol. it was great ... singing your heart out with friends is always fun. that just really jump started my trip ... just letting loose and singing Strokes songs. We ate for a bit and I cleaned up and then we headed out later to tour El Paso. My friend and I walked around downtown and ran into two really cute guys in a rock band or punk band called the Electric Funeral. One of the guys was really cute and in the car later we just kept gushing about this guy. We passed by the El Camino Hotel, the only swanky hotel in El paso where we knew the strokes would be staying. We hung out at hte bar hoping to catch them ... but no luck. oh well. we saw a lot of different sights and walking was relaxing. we later went to Applebees to meet up with another one of her friends and had some drinks and appetizers. When we got home, we watched Gothika with Halle Berry, scary scary movie but really cool. Its not a good idea to watch scary movies before going to sleep though ... all night I had dreams or nightmares about my co-editor yelling at me for something that wasn't right with the page. Slept really well aside from the nightmares ... my friend let me stay in her room while she slept on the couch! I insisted on sleeping on the couch but she wouldn't let me. Her parents were really nice ... her mom is a bus driver for the local school district and her dad works for at the local army bases as a civilian or something.
Friday was Strokes day .. the day of the show. We picked up Jean from the airport and proceeded to camp out at the club. We took turns walking around trying to find the Strokes or staking it out at the hotel. It was all quite an adventure though I didn't find any of the guys my sister did. My sister met Nikolai and Nick Valensi and kept jumping up and down and screaming over the phone when she told me. I met Fab the drummer at the after party ... interesting stories were said about him after the concert ended.
Just getting to see them live at a small club was really amazing despite security totally screwing us and dividing the line into guys/girls and then letting the guys in first. During the mid of the set, Julian walked into the crowd and continued singing although he was mumbling some incoherent shit in between like "i don't feel so well." must've been all the cigarettes he was smoking in between songs or the drinking. But it was crazy seeing the crowd mob Julian and basically tearing him into pieces. When he came back to the stage, his shirt was unbuttoned and his hair was messy. Got to love those crazy lead singers of rock bands. =)
Leaving El Paso was hard because I had such a great time with my friend and at the show. When Pat dropped me off and waited with us at the bus station, I was ready to cry because we probably weren't going to see each other for another year or so depending on her job situation. Her temp employment with the AP ends this week and she's moving back to El paso. SHe was so incredibly generous during my stay there whether it was buying me drinks or taking me to see so many different sights, I was just so grateful to have such an amazing friend to share the experience with.
So since coming back home, I've been studying for my marketing class doing a lot of reading and outlining, and testing myself at the end of the chapters. I've also been doing a lot of cleaning trying to throw away junk or give it away. Wednesday, I go to Sacramento for a day for a newspaper design seminar and then Thursday back home again and leaving late night to go to LA Friday for the Strokes show. Did a lot of studying today and skipped out on hanging out with g-parents, dad and sister who were going to tour the Jelly Belly Factory.
I've also been freaking out a lot more and having these panic attacks or something like that about there being so much to do this week and hoping to finish it all. I've also been concerned about my friendship with this particular guy I work with ... things have been really awkward and I don't know whether to call and apologize or continue to avoid him. Since we went out on that one "date" it's just been really strange and I don't know how to act around him whether I should be friendly or cold. |
|
|
| Unbelievable |
[Mar. 28th, 2004|07:29 am] |
I'm speechless. The Strokes show in El Paso was THAT good especially when Julian jumped into the crowd and attempted to sing while making it all the way down to the end of the pit. From my view at the balcony, I saw people grabbing him and pulling him while security tried to pull him back. Haha. He kept mumbling once he was in the pit in between songs "i'm not feeling well." I wonder if he was really high or stoned or drunk ... quite possibly all three considering they must smoke a lot of pot according to that one Spin magazine article.
My memory is kinda foggy since after the show we went to the after party and waited for the band to come and then I got tired of waiting so I went out back to see if I could catch them. My sister calls me once I get outside to tell me Fab has arrived. There was a mob of people asking him to sign stuff and take pics. Afer all that, Pat drove me back to her place to get my bags and head on the bus home. Show was really great live and since I stood on the balcony, I didn't feel like I was going to suffocate from the lack of air standing in the pit usually results in. I'm contemplating going to the LA show Thurs or Friday depending on how much I get done. Had a fabulous time camping out at the hotel trying to meet the strokes though I only met Fab at the after party or walking downtown with Pat trying to see if we could find Nikolai. Anyways, will update later.
Here's what I remember of the setlist for El Paso:
(in on particular order)
The end is no end
last night
someday
reptilia
new york city supercops
is this it?
hard to explain
meet me in the bathroom
Take it or leave it (last song of the night, same as vegas)
there's more to the set but my mind is blank. the bus ride home was incredibly long, tiring and exhausting. left el paso at 3:35 am friday and arrived home sunday morning at 4:30 a.m. got back to Fremont about an hour later, throw clothes in laundry and then take a shower and then check messages. This is my second time taking the greyhound bus and it wasn't too bad ... just took a whole day and I'm wiped out. so much errands to run today so I'll do a full update of the my trip and the sights I saw. |
|
|
| tired |
[Mar. 24th, 2004|04:03 pm] |
I've been yawning all day and telling myself that I'm tired. I slept early but it's probably been the series of events the last few days that's making it harder for me to stay awake. Right now, I'm feeling the grogginess and I'm ready to fall asleep any minute but there are so many loose ends to tie up before I leave for El Paso including two assignments that I must finish soon.
Some questions I've been asking myself recently include: "Why do I carry so much guilt, Why am I so hard on myself, Why must I strive for perfection, and last but not least Why is a "B" or a "C" not good enough.? All those looming questions and my head's about to explode seriously.
People tell me not to take everything so seriously and I don't really. I'm just passionate about what I do and I just want to do well. It's not that I'm anal or anything else, but I don't know. I really wish I could go home early today just to make things easier. I haven't washed my hair, I haven't packed, I haven't figured out what to see, do or eat in El Paso (yes, it's all so trivial, but it's my first trip to el paso!) I'm being so lame, I don't know what I'm going to wear to the concert, sandals vs. sneakers, a sweater vs a fleece jacket, it's crazy.
Less than 24 hours and I'm jumping on a plane to El Paso! |
|
|
| just two days ... |
[Mar. 24th, 2004|10:41 am] |
till I see the Strokes live again in El Paso, TX. Yes, Yes and Yes! Hooray! It'll be more than a nice break. I'll get to see my wonderful friend Pat from AP and we're going to see the Strokes. OK, I've mentioned the Strokes way too many times but I can't help but get excited. I changed my mind last minute and decided to fly out there early so I could have some time to relax, have a little fun before the concert and rest up. I'm arriving in El Paso at 5:30 p.m. their time and my dear friend is going to pick me up from the airport and I'll be crashing at her place for a few days. Maybe there'll be some time for souvenir shopping too.
Yesterday, I came home later than usual because I had to edit a story late. By the time I had dinner and ate and did stuff, I was exhausted. Washed another sink full of dishes and then this morning noticed little black speckles on the kitchen table. My dad informs me today our rodent problem is getting out of hand and mice crawled into his room yesterday nibbling away at a wrapped pastry! Darn rodents never shy away from food! Thank goodness I'l be away this weekend, my dad's going to buy mice traps.
For some odd reason and I don't know why, I started to cry in front of a professor I used to take a class from. She started to ask me how I was doing and I've been feeling more than just frustrated I guess and everything just started to unravel. There's some stuff I've been meaning to deal with and after talking to someone how to approach the situation, I feel better but still scared about speaking up.
Oh well. Semester is almost over and hopefully I'll figure out what I'm going to do in the fall. I also realized I carry too much guilt over really minor things such as not keeping in contact with people as much as I'd like and stuff. |
|
|
| confused |
[Mar. 20th, 2004|10:43 pm] |
I really do love my aunt ... she's smart, funny and overall a nice person except for her negative comments but I understand she only means well. She invited me to go to her company party today but I had to get dressed up. No big deal I figure. I take a shower, wash my hour, put on some lipgloss and get dressed. I wore a floral skirt I bought in NY and a short sleeve black dress shirt. First thing she says to me when I arrive at her house is the skirt is awful ... the style is too old. She wanted me to pick something from her closet. *Sigh* I really don't want to spend any more effort looking nice. The way I looked seemed okay except for my cardigan (the color didn't match but it was close). Then she wants to put makeup on me ... I already have a neutral eyeshadow on my eyes and lipgloss ... that's enough. I don't want to wear any darker eyeshadow or pencil in my eyebrows. She looks carefully at me then discovers my eyebrows aren't lined or shaped and freaks out. She then goes into her whole spiel about how the shape of your eyebrows really defines the way you look or how people see you. I remember reading something like that in some magazine ... but can't I just be a normal person who doesn't really care about how she looks? So she gave me a reccomendation on a place in Fremont that does eyebrow threading for cheap ... and then she talks about hair and personal hygene again. I'm helping her get ready and she blabs about walking confidently or looking like you're a million bucks. She must be overdosing on self-help books .... she sounds like one convincingly enough. Then she talks about money and having a good job ... except this time to encourage me to work for the government because you can retire early with lots of money. This past week has been too much lecturing overload and she tells me she doesn't want to sound mean or negative ... but it's only for my own good. She tells me she's really concerned about my weight gain and I assure her I'm doing something about it. I just nodded everytime she said something and didn't blow up luckily.
Why all the emphasis on my appearance? I'm working on the acne ... I'm working on healthy skin ... I carry a 1.5 liter bottle of water and drink it all up everyday. I'm trying to fit in a half hour of exercise everyday ... what more can I do? I don't eat any type of meat ... I'm confused by all the messages I get from everybody. The common theme is make lots of money and you'll be financially and emotionally happy. You can have a nice car, a nice home, good food to eat. My dad's justifcation for me making a lot of money is so I can covet nice things and eat at exclusive restaurants where they park your car for you rather than you parking it yourself. Example is BJ's in Cupertino ... they park your car for you and if you notice most cars in that parking lot consist of the high caliber type.
I really love my aunt and she's a great help with so many things but the self help preaching has to be reduced. I'm really getting sick of it but I just keep it to myself. She says to think positively and never think bad ... one can't always think positively ... emotional balance has to be achieved I think for a person to be normal. The up's and the down's have to exist in order for one to function carefully in my opinion.
I love all this lecturing ... it means I'm starting all over again with dieting and exercise. |
|
|
| no way to win |
[Mar. 17th, 2004|06:55 pm] |
I don't get it. I really don't understand my dad. One minute I think I'm winning points with my dad and another minute I'm at the bottom of the pole again. Today he had to point out his observation that I seem to have a lot of time on my hands because my Monday/Wednesday classes don't start until noon. I feel like I do so much for my family, buying groceries, helping to pay bills, household chores and more but I still get dinged because I'm not taking enough units. This semester I started out with 18 units ... but since some classes were at 7:30 a.m., and some 10:30 a.m. sections opened up, I made the switch and had to drop another class. I'm down to 15 units with the paper ... my dad was giving me his spiel how he used to take 21 units and work. If I want to die before I'm 25, then I'll consider doing My life feels frustrating ... no I'm not depressed ... just stuck in a rut. Sometimes my head's going to explode from overanalyzing, overworrying and overthinking about these things. My dad doesn't see me up late doing homework because my door is closed. But if he looked carefully, he'd noticed the lights are on until 2 or 4 a.m. sometimes. He wants to know when I'm going to get a professional job and make enough money to buy myself a new car. Money. That's what it comes down to.
Something else is bothering me but I don't know want to write about because i write about it ten million times a week and I'm sick of the constant bitching I do on LJ. There's got to be something more newsworthy or pressing I can write about. I'll probably do a friends only or private entry later.
Interesting thing happened ... well not interesting ... bad choice of words but I mean in the way things worked out. I was driving down the street and the car from the house in front backed out and didn't see me. So he backed right into me as I was making the left turn. I freaked out because this is my ONLY car. It was given to me as a gift despite the fact that it's a 1985 Honda Civic -- if it runs and drives, I'm going to use it. He called insurance and admitted he was wrong! No one admits they're at fault during a car accident do they? I've found the opposite to be true -- most people lie. But imagine my joy because I don't have comprehensive coverage so if I hit someone, damages for my car are paid from my own pocket. Looks like AAA is going to reimburse me if damages don't exceed car's value of 1800. So I'm more than relieved ... it takes a small load off my mind.
Another side topic: I was griping to my sister how my accounting class is getting harder and harder and how it's going to be the one class I'm going to have to put in more effort than I have in the last month to stay afloat. I'm literally drowning in that class... pop quiz every other class! My marketing class doesn't even have pop quizzes ... so i'm complaining about pop quizzes because they screw me over everytime. Math was never my forte ... I used to struggle even with algebra. My little sister is doing great in her math classes, she's getting alot of A+'s in quizzes and tests and for every one of them, she gets $5! I don't even get money from my dad for doing well in class. I don't get rewarded for my achievements except some nice remarks sometimes. But anyways, the point of my conversation with Jean was sometimes we try our best in subjects like math, economics or accounting, but it doesn't mean we're terrible at everything. It just means sometimes we're good at things and other times we aren't. We're skilled in different areas and it's okay to have difficulty with other subjects. The money we make isn't going to make or break us ... it's the work we do.
Yeah, long serious post again. I'm looking foward to doing some reading this weekend and preparing for spring break in two weeks. The Strokes are in two weeks! Countdown has begun! |
|
|
| life cut short |
[Mar. 15th, 2004|06:13 pm] |
There was an article in the NY Post and the AP about a girl named Diana Chien, a sophomore at NYU who plunged to her death last week. Police in the article said she had a fight with her boyfriend earlier which might've prompted her to go over the edge. Seeing the photo online on the Post's site sent chills down my spine ... the girl was so young ... she didn't even make it to her 21st birthday (legal drinking age).
Here's the link: Suicide at NYU
She reminds me of a girl I wrote a story about in 2000 named Lancy Chiu, who attended Saratoga High School at the time. So many young people's lives are cut short by death particularly these suicides. It's tragic and it's sad because it makes you wonder if they didn't have anything else to live for. Could their lives have been so demanding and challenging that they couldn't bear to live for another day? 19 is too young to die ... I can't imagine what it's like for these families. There seems to be a pattern or in my opinion a trend towards Asian children or middle upper class children who commit suicide. My friend who I'll remain from naming because he'll be pissed made an interesting argument or point - it seems like many of these kids are spoiled rich kids who can't handle one situation because they've been handed everything to them. My grandma or my aunt once said the act of commmitting suicide is selfish because the person gave no consideration to their family's pain and suffering.
I'm not a Christian but I believe that God has helped me a lot in the past few years. There was a time when my dad and I didn't get along at all ... constantly disagreeing over whether my decisions were considerate. I know at that moment I wondered if peace would be result if I didn't exist or my life had ended. Scary to even think I had contemplated suicide ... not in the real sense that I would go through with it ... it was just a thought. Maybe there's hope for people who face so much pressures ... maybe they can find solace or comfort in religion or spirtuality.
So many lives are cut short tragically by suicide and I have to wonder at what point in our lives can we be happy if we're so consumed with all these demands. Will we be happy if we make a lot of money and have lots of nice cars?
Anyways, I don't want to sound morbid writing about death but I also have to write my own obit for my mass communications writing class. I'm not sure whether I'd make mines say death of natural causes or of something extreme like an alcohol overdose. It's interesting writing your own death notice ... it makes you wonder when life ends for you. Okay, I'm going to stop this depressing state of mind ramblings. I'm freaking myself out writing about death.
Weekend was fun Friday at least. Birthday party dinner at Ariake's then karaoke nearby. I'm going to order a bento box at a Japanese restaurant next time even though it has chicken .... it looked delicious especially with the rice, the orange, the sushi and stuff. They're so cute looking boxes filled with food. Ahhh, how I'd give anything to eat a good meal right now. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
eterrnaldreamer's journal